Edemia World

My name is Xany, and this is my brand-new journal. I decided to start one because it seems that berry-people have more free time on their hands than they know what to do with. I guess I should start by explaining what a berry-person is, how I became one, and other strange things about Grok’s Berry Farm and beyond.

I used to be an elf ranger in Sylvanos, land of the elves. I ended up in Grok’s farm after a mission to steal healing berries ended up in me being eaten by a tree, spit out, and transformed into a berry-elf hybrid by one of Grok’s rare magical berries. I know that’s a lot to take in, but look, just be glad you only have to read about it.

First, at the entrance to the farm, I was met by Lloyd, a talkative banana tree who turned out to be an elf-eater. One minute I was explaining my mission, the next minute I was on the way to Lloyd’s intestines (I think -- I’m not sure how trees digest solid food, as every other plant I know thrives on good old sunshine and water). I screamed for help and was promptly pulled out. That’s how I met Grok -- panicked, miserable, and dripping with tree spit.

I must have made an okay impression, though, because Grok to let me hunt worms in exchange for the healing berries. I’m really just good at digging around in the dirt. I don’t have professional worm-hunting experience, but an elf’s got to do what an elf’s got to do in the face of an ogre who in most other circumstances should have eaten you by now, right?

So Grok started touring me around the farm. By then it was midday and I was getting hungry, and the berries were looking more and more appetizing. I figured Grok wouldn’t miss one -- they do say ogres can’t count past eight. I grabbed a fat pink one and learned my first lesson: you are what you eat. I was fat and pink in minutes -- I had eaten a berry berry.

Grok’s nomenclature is pretty straightforward. Flight berries make you fly. Milky berries make you ooze milk. Berry berries turn you into a berry. In my case, I became an elf-berry hybrid. I got to keep my elf brain, which is good, but I swelled to berry proportions (read: round). Grok had to roll me back to his hut while I tried to convince him that it was a bee sting.

Later that day -- Grok miraculously still hadn’t eaten me, although I had to work extra for my cure -- I ran into Bob and Joe, the goblins. They were both male, but Bob had earlier taken a bad berry that gave him boobs (and perhaps some other girl parts). I don’t think he’s happy about it. Anyway, they were sneaking into Grok’s farm to make a berry catalog for their boss, who wanted to commercialize operations. They’d rather do it without the sneaking, though, but they were too afraid to come up and talk to the ogre.

So they offered me what they said was an anti-berry, an antidote to the berry berry, if I would do the talking for them. I said sure, and into my mouth the berry went, right before Joe tapped Bob on the shoulder and said, “Bob? You just gave her a very berry.” Very berries, it turned out, amplify the effects of the last berry you ate. Uh-oh could hardly begin to describe how well I took it. Grok showed up five minutes later.

Anyway, long story short, I explained everything, goblins and all, while Bob and Joe were trying not to get eaten. I said he could just have the goblins sell his berries -- he could use a hand in the business, anyway. And the goblins and I could work to pay off the berry berry and very berry, plus the real anti-berry, which Grok would still have to grow. The math said it would take two years, seven months, sixteen days, and four hours to work it off, including interest. We’re about halfway there.

So that’s my life so far. This is the third worst mission I’ve ever been on, but I’m minding it less and less every day, especially when Joe finds me a nice worm patch in the morning. :)