Edemia World

Grok let me have the day off, so I’m spending part the afternoon with my new friend Pank. I met her through Joe, who seems to know everyone, which is strange considering he’s not even from this planet. I can tell you more about Nilbog later. Today I want to tell you about Pank’s bar.

Pank runs the only bar in Edemia. It doesn’t have a name; people just call it Pank’s bar. Since there’s nowhere else to go, anyone who’s anyone in Edemia goes to Pank’s for a drink. The first time I came, there was a group of teenage Scymants, a lonely goblin, a cranky cow-girl and her Leporid friend, and a man wearing three hats (who’s there every time).

On my fourth visit I got introduced to Cathleen, the cranky cow-girl. It turns out she’s the town sheriff, and her Leporid friend is Bernie, a deputy. When I told her about my berry mission, she smirked and said something about elves always getting themselves into trouble. I said it was probably just me, and that other elves seem to get by in one piece. It’s true—I should tell you about by second and fourth worst missions sometime (this one is my third).

Anyway, Cathleen’s nice to have around when she hasn’t had a bad day. She’d tell me about her deputy Bernie, who’s a reformed alligator molester, and Anstice, an assassin who’s apparently impossible to catch. Sometimes she’d tell me about zombies—she seems amused by the fact that I’ve faced them twice and didn’t get eaten. They ate her pet cat when she was five, you see. She says it’s part of why she decided to go into law enforcement.

I’ve also met Dunas, Tian, and Darcy, who live in Clockwork City. Dunas looks oddly familiar, although I can’t put my finger to it. I think he and Tian are a couple. I referred them to Grok’s when they were stocking up for a mission to Edemia North. I got a basket of free healthy berries for it, as a commission. Darcy is Tian’s talking slipper and sort of assistant. He’s very curious—he loves listening to my stories and always has a million questions. I think he’d make a great historian when he grows up. Wait, do slippers grow up?

Anyway, most of the time I just keep to myself at Pank’s. She sets up this little corner for me that’s easy to squeeze into, out of the way, and makes a good spot for observing without being seen. That’s how I know that the man with three hats always comes at sunset and orders a vodka with scrambled eggs, that elves are the loudest customers, and that Anstice lurks by the window to make sure Cathleen isn’t around before coming in. For people with reduced mobility like me, a place like Pank’s is the next best thing to exploring.

I try to stay away from the specials, though—at least until the berry berry wears off. Pank’s the nicest human I know, but her, uh, creations can be a little odd. I’ve seen people catch fire, dance on their heads, grow, shrink, and pop raspberries out of their ears after ordering the nightly special. So I stick to the healthy berry shakes, which are cheaper anyway.

Speaking of berry shakes, I think I see Pank coming with mine, so that’s it for now. Have a good afternoon, everyone!