Posted on 08/23/11
Posted on: Sunday August 21 2011 by Xanaphia
I’ve been looking at the pictures Bob has taken of me since he got his camera seven months ago. You can tell I’ve been getting smaller, although I’m still very much a berry. According to Joe, since I took two different berries, I’m on a “two-speed recovery.” The very berry wears off gradually, which explains why my waddle has been less and less pronounced since Christmas. The berry berry, on the other hand, wears off the second I take the anti-berry.
According to my calculations, that would be in about a week. The berry is in a corner of the farm I don’t see very often—Grok says it has to be isolated and we don’t want to risk contamination. He’s the berry guy, and it’s a berry for which I’ve been collecting worms for a little over two years, so I had to take his word for it. Just like I had to take his word when he said that it should be ready for harvest in a few days.
To prepare for the big day, I’ve been showing Bob and Joe around my usual worm patches. Although Grok got on pretty well without a personal worm-hunter, he’s probably too used to it by now, and the goblins are going to have to start doing my job. I’ve been focusing my training on Bob, whose job basically consists of wearing tight dresses and seducing Edemian grocers into buying extra truckloads of berries.
You’d think Bob would be better at the job, being closer to the ground and not being spherical. But whatever physical advantage he has is wiped out by his extreme impatience. He never stays in a spot longer than two minutes. I keep telling him worms don’t work that way. Worm habitats are close to the core (that’s how they stay warm), so it can take them about half an hour to climb to the surface. Bob doesn’t listen, of course. She’d just blurt out some random commentary about my “dirty” job and storm off. But he’d always come back because being the worm-hunter means extra opportunities to suck up to Grok.
I’ve also been trying to show Joe around the delivery routes, pointing out all my shortcuts. I wasn’t sure whether it was safe to share my ranger secrets with a goblin, but Joe’s been really nice and I don’t think he sees it as military intelligence. He’d be more like, hey, I could use the extra half-hour for longer bathroom breaks. Or something like that. His sense of direction is so-so—he always has to check for a birthmark on his left arm to tell his right from his left—but he’s a willing student.
I wonder if any of them, or Grok, would miss me when I’m gone.
According to my calculations, that would be in about a week. The berry is in a corner of the farm I don’t see very often—Grok says it has to be isolated and we don’t want to risk contamination. He’s the berry guy, and it’s a berry for which I’ve been collecting worms for a little over two years, so I had to take his word for it. Just like I had to take his word when he said that it should be ready for harvest in a few days.
To prepare for the big day, I’ve been showing Bob and Joe around my usual worm patches. Although Grok got on pretty well without a personal worm-hunter, he’s probably too used to it by now, and the goblins are going to have to start doing my job. I’ve been focusing my training on Bob, whose job basically consists of wearing tight dresses and seducing Edemian grocers into buying extra truckloads of berries.
You’d think Bob would be better at the job, being closer to the ground and not being spherical. But whatever physical advantage he has is wiped out by his extreme impatience. He never stays in a spot longer than two minutes. I keep telling him worms don’t work that way. Worm habitats are close to the core (that’s how they stay warm), so it can take them about half an hour to climb to the surface. Bob doesn’t listen, of course. She’d just blurt out some random commentary about my “dirty” job and storm off. But he’d always come back because being the worm-hunter means extra opportunities to suck up to Grok.
I’ve also been trying to show Joe around the delivery routes, pointing out all my shortcuts. I wasn’t sure whether it was safe to share my ranger secrets with a goblin, but Joe’s been really nice and I don’t think he sees it as military intelligence. He’d be more like, hey, I could use the extra half-hour for longer bathroom breaks. Or something like that. His sense of direction is so-so—he always has to check for a birthmark on his left arm to tell his right from his left—but he’s a willing student.
I wonder if any of them, or Grok, would miss me when I’m gone.
drewbiwans123
